Reality

The reality that change is about to happen is really setting in. The fact that I am about to leave the only job I've ever liked, felt comfortable, and been really good at is about to happen in just two weeks. And honestly, I'm scared.

I got a newsletter from my new school in the mail yesterday, but just read it today. In it they had a little section welcoming all the new "family members". To see my name there was exciting, but it also really hit me, I am really leaving my job and starting something new.

Tonight we had our end of the summer staff dinner. It was great. My boss thanked me for everything and got me a really nice going away gift and card. She started to tear up as she talked about me leaving, and I felt the tears coming from myself as well.

I can't believe I am really leaving. I know this is where I need to be, and that it is time for me to move on, but it's a lot harder than I thought it would be. I like being comfortable in my job. I like that I am the one that everyone goes to when they have a question. I like knowing what to expect. I like already being friends with my coworkers.

I don't like change. I know, who does? But, I really don't do well with it. I struggle with the unknown. That's why in college I had such a hard time, I didn't know what came next. And anxiety came with that unknown. I hate to admit when I am feeling anxious, and most of the time it goes away. But, tonight I am feeling anxious about the future. Anxious about my new job.

I know that this is the job that God has for me. It is where I am suppose to be. It's a new season, a new chapter, a new beginning. It's exciting and I wouldn't have it any other way. I wouldn't change it. But, I am realizing, really realizing that it's about to happen. It's coming. Soon it will be the first day of school.

I hate anxiety. I hate that it is a part of my life. I know it is NOT from the Lord. I know God has me in this. He is with me and I am right where I am suppose to be. I'm trusting in Him. I could take the easy way and stay at my current job. I'm so comfortable there. But, I am never gonna get to where I really want to be there, and I feel God tugging at my heart. I feel him leading me in another direction. This new direction.

The reality that change is here is setting in. Here I go.