2016 Wrap Up!

Happy New Year! 2016 ended on a good note, celebrating Christmas and my birthday.

I fixed up my dollhouse from when I was a little girl, and gave it to Chloe. We both love playing with it!

My birthday was the next day, we had fun going to lunch with family and then I went to Cinnebistro with friends later that night. We saw Passengers, I enjoyed it especially since I wasn't sure what to really expect. 

I'm not gonna lie, the highlight was running into John and Sherry from young house love They are my favorite bloggers and when I saw them I was beyond excited. I got a picture, it was pretty amazing, and such a fun surprise for my birthday.

I also got to hang up the new chandelier in the dinning room, I love it. Goodbye ceiling fan!

With wrapping up 2016 I am really looking forward to what 2017 has in store. It was a good year, but started off really hard. A year ago we were still living at my mom's, waiting to close on our house in North Carolina, and waiting for Luke to come.  I'm so glad he is here now, he finally has a nursery in our own home and we have settled in. 

So here's to 2017!

My Grace is Sufficient

So I've been meaning to write a post about how we got here...

On May 21st, after 6 months of trying, I finally took a positive pregnancy test. 

Back in November, we finally felt ready to start trying. We always knew we wanted one more baby, and we always wanted them about three years apart. It was a big deal since my birth with Chloe was so hard and really I was ready to be pregnant, but being ready to give birth again was a whole other thing. 

I had been training for the Richmond half, and I ended up running a half in Winston 3 weeks later. Needless to say all that running totally through off my cycle. Of course I would speculate each month I got my period, why it didn't work. But it was hard, a lot harder than I thought it would be. 

I'll never look at a pregnancy announcement the same way again. It's such a sweet thing, such a blessing, such a miracle. But it definitely makes me think about those that are aching for that as well. I remember that feeling. Nothing could ever make me love Chloe more, but going through this made me appreciate the timing of her even more. With her we weren't sure if it was the right timing for us to become parents, but God knew it was. 

This time I thought it might take 2 or 3 months tops, but once again God knew the perfect timing. If we had gotten pregnant right away Clarke wouldn't have applied for jobs and we wouldn't be back in Richmond, and we are suppose to be here. God knew. And the thing that makes my heart so full is knowing how much I doubted the last month. I was so sure it was going to be negative again. I had convinced myself something was wrong with my uterus from the trauma of Chloe's birth. I doubted God's timing and perfect plan for our family. This verse comes to mind...

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, " My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 

 In the mist of my weakness, my doubt and fear, God still blessed us with such a precious gift. His grace really is more than enough for us, more than we deserve. I can't wait to meet this baby, I know he or she is exactly what God wanted for our family.


 

Goodbyes

The past week has been a whirlwind for sure. I'm finally coming up for air so I thought I would jot down some memories before I forget.....

We had lots of goodbyes to say. For only being in Winston for 2 years we made some pretty great friendships, and that was the hardest part of it all. 

I got to have lunch with my dear friend Charise. We actually only met in September when they moved here from Arizona but we quickly bonded.  She gave me the sweetest gift, which totally made me cry because it's true. It says "life takes you to unexpected places, but love brings you home." We never expected to move to a new state, but love definitely brought us back. 

We had our last playdate with Beth and Sophia. Chloe has loved playing with Sophia, they brought her the cutest stuffed bear too. 

Later that night we went to dinner with our community group from church. They got us this cake, and  all the sweet things they said about us really brought tears to my eyes. These people have shared in our struggles and joys and it's been an honor to be apart of their lives as well. 

And our last goodbye, which was with our first friends me and Chloe ever made in Winston, Kelli and Olivia. 

These two met when they were 9 months old. We had joined a mom's group online, desperate to make friends and we did. I have loved watching them grow and play together.  

Besides the goodbyes it was a lot of packing and cleaning the house. We are glad to be settled here in Richmond for now. Until our house sells we are staying with my mom, and are grateful. 

It's hard to believe that chapter of my life is over. When we moved we weren't sure if it would be forever or temporary. We definitely thought we would be there longer than 2 years, but God had other plans. 

So here's to the next phase....back in Richmond!!

Home

2 years ago today we finished packing up our home in Richmond. As a brand new family we took the biggest risk of our married lives so far, we moved to a new state where we knew absolutely no one. We learned how to be a family and what it meant to truly rely on each other and God. Chloe has lived here the majority of her life. We helped start a new church (probably the best thing we did here). I became confident in myself not only as a mother but a runner as well (thank you hills). We made friendships and memories and learned we can be happy anywhere.

And that is why it is so bittersweet to begin this process again. The process of going home. 

Clarke accepted a job offer in Richmond and we leave at the end of the month. We are beyond excited to be going home. To be closer to family and childhood friends who we miss so much. Chloe will get to see her grandparents more and that makes my heart happy. Richmond really is home and we are ready to be back, but we are so thankful for our time in Winston-Salem. 

On Embracing Change

I came across this article the other day about c-section mamas and it made me think (okay maybe get a little teary eyed too), especially this part...

Some c-section mamas have weeks to mentally prepare for a change in their plans, but many only have days, hours, or minutes. Suddenly, everything she envisioned when meeting her child has changed. Her birth plan has been thrown out the window. Surgery lies before her. She doesn’t know how long she’ll have to wait after birth before she holds her baby in her arms.

My plans did change that day I gave birth to Chloe. A c-section was the last thing I had in mind. And ever since then life has not been what I expected. I never thought I would move to a different state with a 7 month old. But, what an adventure it's been. I've stepped out of my comfort zone, met so many new people and grown so much as a person and mother. I never thought I would be a person who would one day embrace change, yet from that day in the operating room I've been doing it. 

I've written a few posts about how Chloe's birth has changed me, and I since our 2 year anniversary of moving to Winston-Salem is coming up I guess it makes me sentimental. I've still got a long way to go, but I love seeing how God has prepared me for greater things. This girl who was once such a planner is giving up so many preconceived notions about what life has to be, and timetables and comfortable things. 

I'm not sure if my ramblings all make sense, but one day they will. A c-section wasn't my plan, moving to North Carolina wasn't either, yet I'm really at a place where I can say I'm thankful for both.   So here's to whatever God has for the future, trusting in his timing and plans, and willingly letting go of mine. 

Almost Two

In a little over a week Chloe will be 2. Two! How did that happen? It seems like just yesterday we were adjusting to life as a family of three and now I can't imagine life without her. 

I feel so incredibly blessed to have this little girl in my life. I know it sounds so cliche, but in the past few months I've been reminded that bringing a baby into this world really is a miracle. The fact that 2 years ago she was in my belly, waiting to meet us and now she is a toddler who walks, runs, talks and loves exploring everything is something not to take for granted, and I don't. 

So much has changed this past year. A years ago she had just started crawling. Now she is a full blown toddler, into everything and full of personality.

That smile! Oh, I just love it. I love that I get to spend my days with her. It's not always easy but it's so worth it. I know this post has been really mushy, but when her birthday comes it makes me feel sentimental. The day she came into this world was rough, hard and long, but I would do it all over again to have this sweetheart in my life.

I love you so much Chloe Mae. Can't wait to celebrate your 2nd birthday soon!

A Home Away From Home

This coming Tuesday, June 10 marks the one year anniversary of us moving to Winston-Salem. It was a year ago that we finished packing up our home and started a new beginning here. It has gone by so fast, and so much has changed since then so I thought a blog post was in order, I'm posting now since we will be out of town next week. 

We have grown so much as a family while living here. We have had to rely on each other like never before, and it's been really good for us. Our marriage has been stretched like never before and I can happily say it's made us stronger and closer. Leaving Richmond was hard. There are times I still miss it so much. It still feels like home when I go back to visit, but more and more so Winston is feeling like home too.

I love our church here. It took us a lot longer to find a church home than I expected. It's been really good for us to get involved, hear new perspectives on things and continue to grow in our faith. I love the people we have met here, and hearing their stories and what God has done in their lives, it's amazing. About 2 months ago we finally joined a community group and this has given us the opportunity to really connect with other couples who have children as well. I can't say enough how Twin City Community Church has been such a blessing.

I absolutely love the running community here. After I had Chloe I knew I wanted to get back into running, so I made the goal to run the Richmond Half Marathon. When we moved I wondered if that goal was still possible as I knew I couldn't train alone. I found a running group at Fleet Feet, and I found friends in my pace group. I love the friendships I've made here. Even after training ended we stayed in touch, continued to run together and have plans to train for another half together this fall. I have pushed myself in training more than I thought possible. The terrain in Winston is very hilly, and I was so scared to run them. Although there are still hills I need to conquer (like Brookstown) I am ready for the challenge. I will also say the YMCA here has been so great for us as well. It gives me such peace of mind to know I can drop Chloe off at a place where she is loved, and well taken care of. She happily (most of the time) goes into child watch with a smile. 

There are other things I love about Winston too. My friend Kelly who I met through a mom's group and her daughter Olivia. We love playdates with them. I love the real sweet tea, our house, the pimento cheese, the greenways, the parks, the southern charm, new favorite restaurants and new places to explore. 

This move has been good for us. A year ago we felt God was calling us here. Telling us this is what he had for our family's future. It's great to see those things come full circle. 

There are times when I wonder how long we will be here. Sometimes we think about moving back to Richmond. Sometimes we think about staying here forever. One of the biggest things I have learned from this move is although I feel this need to plan out my life, there are some things that we must leave to God. God will show us in his time what we should do next. It's something I struggle with continually. 

So Winston-Salem is my home away from home. Maybe Richmond will always feel like home to me. For now, Winston is. I'm incredibly grateful that I have so much to be thankful for in this city though. So here's to one year in Twin City, and here's to another great one!

5 Years

Today we are celebrating 5 years of marriage! It almost seems surreal to me, that I've been married for 5 years already. We are headed to Asheville for a long weekend away, my mom came down to watch Chloe, I am so excited.  

Our first anniversary in OBX.

We have this tradition of going away every year on our anniversary. We don't do gifts, we spend time together and this year it's exactly what we need. Last year we didn't get to go away on a trip, it was right as we were trying to figure out about moving, and having a 5 month old, it just didn't happen. I think that's why I'm so excited for this trip. As life goes on and things become more complicated I've become more aware that intentional time together is precious and with a baby it's even harder to come by.

Second anniversary at the Homestead.

Third anniversary on the Oregon coast. 

Fourth anniversary at The Melting Pot in Richmond.

I am truly thankful for Clarke in my life. There is nobody else that I would want to do life with. Can't wait to celebrate this weekend!!!

Happy Anniversary Clarke, I love you!!

Changes and Letting Go

One year ago I was extremely pregnant, waiting to meet my baby girl. I knew my life would never be the same, I knew big change was coming, but I didn't realize just how much. My life looks totally different now, they say becoming a parent changes you and I couldn't agree more. 

Not only becoming a parent, but moving to North Carolina has changed me as well. God has been teaching me all about letting go. Letting go of things and people I can't change. When Chloe was born I got a big wake up call about letting go. A c section was the last thing I wanted, and then hemorrhaging was the last thing I thought would happen. My recovery was rough, long and hard. I remember being so happy as a new mom, so in love with my baby and being so thankful we both were healthy. The day we left the hospital I shed tears of happiness and joy because we got to leave knowing we would both be fine. But there was so much about that situation I couldn't control, and I knew I had to give it to God. Moving here has been the same. Our house hunt has been hard, and there have been lots of situations where things didn't work out, and I was left wondering why but trusting in God's plan. It was a big risk for our family to come to North Carolina. A year ago if you had told me we wouldn't be in Richmond anymore I wouldn't have believed it. It seems things are finally settling down and I'm so thankful.

I made a video for Chloe's first year, and I love watching it. In about 7 minutes you can see her change so much, it's amazing how much they change in just one year. I am embracing it, well trying. There is so much joy in each milestone, each new development, but I also know we will never go back to those newborn days. Part of me is glad about that when I think about the sleep deprivation, but part of me morns that time. Change is apart of life, letting go makes it better. Letting God take control and lead me were I need to be makes it possible.

Less is More

When I was in middle and high school one of my best friend's mom had this quote on her refrigerator, "less is more". I don't know why but we always thought it was so funny. My group of friends would always quote it and laugh about it frequently. It really was and still is such a funny joke to us. 

When I was in college I studied Interior Design. When we were studying Mies van der Rohe,  I learned that he was the original author of this quote, specifically when he was talking about his design philosophy. He was always, and still is, one of my favorite designers. I learned that yes, less actually could be more, the simple clean lines of mid century modern furniture and architecture were so much more appealing to me than the curvy, overly decorated victorian style that was the norm at that period in history.

I still hear less is more, and I whole heartedly agree. As Americans we are told "bigger is better" and "you need to buy this to be happy". We have bought into this notion that more earthly possessions and a big house to fill them with will make us happy. If we could only have what the jones' have then we would be content. 

I guess I am blogging about this because while looking for a new home it is so easy to get caught up in that. I constantly remind myself that less can be more. I really do believe that too. It's funny because I keep reading blog posts about it, like this one and this one. God is really teaching me this lesson.

I must say it is freeing. When we moved here I couldn't believe how much stuff we had. Our house in Virginia wasn't big, almost 1400 sq ft. So I guess it never seemed like we had a lot of things, and if you know me in real life you know how much I hate clutter! But, once everything was taken out of the closets, cabinets, and shed it's amazing how much we really had. We got rid of lots of things we no longer needed or wanted. It was freeing to give them away, hoping somebody else would find enjoyment and use for them.

I really want a home that is filled with love and laughter. I know that sounds so cliche, but really my family is what makes me the happiest. The things that fill my home really don't matter, and the size of it is even less important. If only my friend's mom knew I was still talking about how less is more. I guess that's why she had it posted in plain sight like that. I think we could all use that reminder daily. Less really is more. 

Refresh

Since moving to Winston-Salem we have really hit the "refresh button" for our lives. It's almost like we are starting over. Maybe that in conjunction with almost being 30 has made me see things in such a new light. 

Take this house hunting thing for example. When we started looking back in April we thought we would end up in your typical suburban neighborhood. That's where we lived in Richmond, where we both grew up, and we both loved it. The more we looked the more the country looked appealing. Not too far out, but just enough so you can feel the peacefulness of it. As I mentioned earlier we had a contract on a cute yellow house, that fell through last week. The major repairs wouldn't be done before closing and we just didn't feel comfortable buying a house with such extensive amount of damage. We just felt like God was saying this isn't for you.

So once again we are hitting the refresh button and starting over again. We are really open to anything, almost anywhere. Yesterday we looked at some open houses in the cutest historical neighborhood of Ardmore. These houses were built in the 30s and 40s and are absolutely nothing like either of us has lived in (well except for me in college). 

With turning 30 around the corner I find myself looking back and seeing how much I have grown. All the different experiences I am so thankful for. I've done things my high school self would have never done. I've done things my college self would have never done. So I keep that in mind with starting this life here in North Carolina. Sometimes different is good. My high school self would have never run a marathon or worked with special needs children. My college self would have never picked up and moved to a new state with a 7 month old. But those things have been so good for me.

We are open to anything now. Hitting the refresh button once again and seeing where God takes us this time. 

The Moving Post

I feels like we have been moving for forever, really it's been about a week of transitioning to North Carolina. It's been emotional, harder than I thought, easier than I thought and one word sums it up perfectly: bittersweet. 

I spent a lot of time last week packing up our house, Chloe enjoyed the bubble wrap. Ha! I also got to see my close friends and family one last time before leaving. I was so happy to get in one last run with my favorite running buddy. (Hi Emily!!) Although after our run in the rain was the first of many waves of sadness about leaving. 

Our house started to look like this. Piles and piles of stuff packed up everywhere. 

The movers came on Sunday morning. They packed up the kitchen for us and started to load the truck. I don't think it really hit me until Monday morning. We had planned to come to Winston-Salem Sunday after the truck had been loaded but it took the movers longer than we had anticipated. We stopped by the house Monday to grab a few more things from the fridge before leaving town. (We spent that night at my in-laws since our beds were on the truck) Seeing our home so bare was really hard. How could that house be so empty yet so full of memories? So many wonderful things have happened for our family in that house, it was really hard leaving.

This past week we have been settling into our new house. Both my in-laws and my mom came to help move us in. They were such a big help, watching Chloe, unpacking and really doing anything I needed. We are so lucky to have them! 

We keep saying that it feels like we are on vacation. Exploring this new city, finding our way around, and trying new restaurants. Wednesday we went to the pool with both the grandmas. I just love this bathing suite on Chloe, adorable! 

When my mom left it hit me again. Sometimes I feel like such a big baby! The farthest I've ever lived from her was 2 hours in college, now I am 4, which still isn't bad. 

I know it will take some time making this place our new home. I am happy to say that we are done unpacking. Since we didn't unpack anything from our attic, guest room and shed it didn't take too long. I changed my city on Facebook to Winston-Salem, NC today and that felt so weird! 

Hello next chapter of our lives. 

He is Risen

I think it's always easy to get wrapped up in all the fun things about Easter, and with children I've found it's even easier. Like this.............

Sometimes I can't get over how cute she is! But I digress, the real reason for Easter. At my Mops group we were talking about how nice the Christmas story is, but the Easter story isn't as nice and pretty. It's hard to think about all the pain and suffering Jesus went through. But the fact that He overcame all of that makes it even more incredible. And the fact that He went through all of that for us, makes it the most incredible thing of it all. The fact that he was innocent, didn't deserve any of what He went though but did so that we could be forgiven. He died on the cross so that our sins could be forgiven. And Easter is the glorious part of the story, the part when he overcomes death and rises from the tomb. 

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.

Isaiah 53:5

I love this verse, because it paints such a clear picture of what Easter is really about. By His wounds we are healed and brought peace. As much as I love the adorable baby clothes and yummy candy that comes with Easter I love what Jesus did on that cross even more. 

Changes

I've been reminded that things don't stay the same for long. My sweet baby has already changed so much since I brought her home from the hospital almost 3 months ago. Everyone says enjoy her now because they don't stay that way for long. I was just saying I can't imagine her actually talking and walking one day, but I know that day will be here before I know it.

Oh, I love this sweet girl. I love watching her grow and change.

I've loved watching her personality shine through these past weeks. I can't wait to see it even more! But for now I just wanna enjoy her while she is still so small and snuggly. I know before I know it things will change again and I'll be longing for these baby days again. 

Hello 2013!

Last night we celebrated 2012 by going over to a friend's house for dinner and to ring in the new year. It was definitely low key, which is what we really wanted. I took some cute pictures, all of Chloe of course!

My sweet little girl before leaving. Had to do a little photo shoot of her in her party dress!!

One of me and her, she looks like a little doll sometimes!

We spent the evening with longtime friends. Chloe was definitely the center of attention, everyone got a chance to hold her. I also must say it was sweet because my friend's seven year old daughter was there having a sleepover with a friend, got a glimpse into my future. They were really cute too. 

First new year's eve as a family of three. 

After the ball dropped we totally went home, I fed Chloe and we all went to sleep! It was a really fun evening though. The older I get the more I realize I don't need to go out and make such a huge deal about new year's eve. It's just an excuse for a fun night with friends!

I saw this questionnaire about 2012 on another blog and thought it was cute so I'm including it.

1. What are you most thankful for?
My little girl, my health, modern medicine that allowed me to have a healthy baby and allow me to continue to have children after complications. Jesus, my husband, family and friends. 

2. What were the highlights of 2012 for you?

Being pregnant, our trip out west, my daughter being born!

3. What are you hoping for in 2013?

Quality time with my daughter, husband, family and friends, more time running, a bunch of firsts for Chloe, joining a mommy group, hopefully some fun trips and Chloe sleeping through the night!

4. What were some of your favorites of 2012? (clothes, movies, songs, TV shows )

I loved my cotton sundresses during pregnancy and vanilla ice cream cones from McDonald's. I loved cute scarves and necklaces.  I loved when we got rid of cable and joined Netflix. I loved watching Parenthood, Lost, Friday Night Lights, Hot in Cleveland, 30 Rock and How I Met Your Mother on Netflix. Of course I still loved Glee. I loved my new iPhone, instagram and twitter.

5. Who was God to you in 2012? (and if He was nothing to you - please be honest. You don't need to give Sunday school answers. I want to be able to pray that He will be something to you this year!)

God became the person I could rely on for anything. The person I trusted most during pregnancy and especially while I was in the hospital having Chloe. He was my comforter and gave me the strength to heal from a hard labor and delivery. 

Two Thoughts

I've had these thoughts in my mind for awhile and I'm just now putting them down here. Two different thoughts.......

1. Much like everyone else the recent shooting in Connecticut has made me aware of how thankful I am for the people in my life and that tomorrow is not a promise. I am blessed that my baby is safe and healthy. As an educator and parent I can't even imagine what that community is going through right now. I can't even imagine the pain of losing a child. 

I think also my recent birth experience has added to this feeling.  My entire pregnancy I thought I would have a "typical" birth with no complications. I never fathomed I would have such a hard time. But this has made me aware that nothing is guaranteed. I got lucky with how things turned out, and everyday I try to remember that. 

2. On a lighter note I go tomorrow for my six week postpartum check up. I am really hoping my dr. will clear me to start running again. It's been almost 10 months since my last run, and to say I've missed it is an understatement. Saw this on Facebook and thought it describes me perfectly!  

Chloe's Birth, Part 3

To read part 1 and 2 of Chloe's birth click here and here. 

I was totally numb from the waist down now, before I could kinda feel tingly. Clarke and my mom came in and within 20 minutes she was here! They held her up but I only saw a hand, that's it. Clarke went over to start taking pictures and I heard her cry, everyone was saying how beautiful she was. Finally they brought her over to me. I must say I was so exhausted at this time, I was trying so hard to stay awake. 

Our first family photo! I do remember asking if she had a lot of hair, my mom said she did.

At this point they asked my mom and Clarke to leave the room. I remember thinking that something must be wrong because they were suppose to let her lay on my chest to regulate her temperature and have more family time while they "fixed" me up. I got so nauseous at this point and started throwing up. And that's all I remember from the operating room.

So here is what happened: my uterus wouldn't contract to stop the bleeding. They tried more pitocin, the drug they used to start the contractions to make it contract again. When this didn't work I lost a lot of blood. They said I lost over a litter of blood and I was extremely close to needing a blood transfusion. My doctor used a fairly new procedure where she basically put a balloon in my uterus to apply pressure on it. Luckily this pressure stopped the bleeding. They said ten years ago I would have lost my uterus because this was a fairly new procedure. 

I remember waking up back in my room and seeing Clarke holding Chloe. I had no clue how much time had gone by, I was so groggy from all the meds and all the blood I had lost. My first very vivid memory of my daughter was at midnight (they woke me up to nurse, this was 7 hours after she was born). I remember thinking breastfeeding wasn't as painful or hard as I thought it would be. Again at 3 am they woke me up to feed her, this time I asked my mom how much did she weigh and all sorts of details that I still didn't know. I still had no clue about all the complications that had occurred.

As the morning came and the day progressed I learned about everything that had happened. This picture is actually almost 24 hours after I had her, but I still hadn't gotten out of bed. They eventually deflated the balloon and took all the many wires off my body. All I had left was the IV, which I had to keep until Sunday night because I also had an infection when I delivered her so I had to get antibiotics. Chloe also got an IV and got antibiotics for the the first 48 hours as well. Saturday night I finally got to move to the mother/infant unit and I finally got to eat some real food. Before that it was just clear liquids and some apple sauce or jello. 

Recovery in the hospital was rough. But, Monday came and it was finally time for us to go home. After almost a week in the hospital I was so happy to be going home, I cried as they wheeled me out.

The labor and delivery didn't go as I had hoped, but in the end there was a healthy baby and a healthy mom. Honestly I am so grateful for that because that is the one outcome that really matters, and not everyone gets that. I will make a full recovery and I can still have more children (not anytime soon though)! Chloe is just perfect and she was worth everything I went through. 

If you are still reading this thanks!!! I know it was a long story!

She is Coming

This will officially be my last post about being pregnant with Chloe. Tomorrow I am being induced. Tomorrow I will be a mom!

I had a very long doctors appointment this morning, so happy Clarke came with me to this one. I said that her movement hasn't been as consistent these past few days, although last night she was very active so I know she is fine. They did a stress test where they hooked me up to the monitors and that came out fine. They also did another ultrasound. I think this might have been my 7th ultrasound this pregnancy! Her weight was fine again. But the doctor said my amniotic fluid is really low and my placenta looks really old. Sometimes if the placenta gets too old it doesn't give the proper nutrients to the baby and that might be why her movement isn't as much as it was. Or it could be that I am just prone to anxiety and it's all in my head. Either way my doctor decided to go ahead and induce me since I am so close to my due date anyway. We check into the hospital tonight for meds to soften my cervix, I am only 2 cm dilated. I sleep with that and then in the morning they will induce me.

I am filled with many emotions right now. I have been wanting to go into labor for about 2 weeks now, so I am thrilled and excited to finally get to meet her! I am really nervous about giving birth, so many unknowns. But mostly I am excited. Next time I post it will be to say that she is finally here!! I can't wait!

Faith Over Fear

So I'm almost 38 weeks pregnant and I've gotten to the point of really being ready to meet my baby girl! I had my weekly doctor's appointment yesterday and she said my body is really getting ready for labor, I was thrilled. Now with every cramp or contraction I think "this could be it!" so far it hasn't been. 

I've come to accept that I can't control so many parts of giving birth, I must cling to the one constant which is that God is in control. He will decide when I go into labor, how our baby girl comes into this world and all the details in between. I have a peace about this now, there are times I still struggle with wanting to know more, but I remind myself to just trust. Have faith, because faith is the opposite of fear, and I am done being fearful about this whole process. 

I've given this to God because I admit to holding onto it for way too long.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6

I haven't struggled with anxiety like this since college, anxiety about giving birth. But like I just typed I am done with it. I am choosing faith. I'm not going to let the devil rob me of the joy of becoming a mom, because that's what it is.

For I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, do not fear, I will help you. Isaiah 41:13

God has made so many promises in the bible about how he helps his people. So it doesn't matter when I go into labor, how exactly everything falls into place and how our baby comes into this world, God already knows all of that. 

To end on a lighter note, and because every post is better with a picture, here is the baby bump, I can barely see my bellybutton now. 

Thankful for God's faithfulness to me throughout this entire pregnancy!

Linking up over at: Faith Filled Friday and Friday Faves

Becoming a Mom

It's crazy to think that in about a month my life will be forever changed. I will be a mommy, I will have a daughter and Clarke will be a dad. It's something I've always wanted and it's really happening.

When I found out I was pregnant it was so surreal. I couldn't believe how blessed I was that I got pregnant so easily. The first trimester was rough though. I never really blogged about how hard it was being sick, wrapping my mind around becoming a mother and oh yeah the spotting. That was just awful, not knowing why I had spotting which is why I really stopped running so early in my pregnancy. Oviously everything turned out to be fine. Then the second trimester came, the glorious second trimester. It was as if a magical button went off and I wasn't nauseous or exhausted or sore anymore. So here I am almost at the end of the last trimester and I must say it's not as bad as the first one. Nothing could be as bad as the first trimester. Yes I'm uncomfortable and my back hurts but I'm used to being pregnant. I've adjusted to being pregnant.

And soon I'll have to adjust to being a mom. I know at first it will be hard, like the pregnancy, but then it will be second nature. I guess I am trying to remind myself that I can do this. There are so many unknowns, especially when it comes to actually giving birth.

But somehow I got through this pregnancy, well almost done. I honestly am just praying that God would guide me and be with me through it all. My faith is what calms me when I start to panic about the nursery not being done yet or installing the carseat or how I am going to breastfeed. The unknowns. I remind myself that God knows. His plan for my life so far has been pretty amazing, and I know being a mom will be too.