Perseverance

Perseverance. Why is it so hard? In anything, in looking for a job, in eating healthy, in working out, in reading my bible. Why is it that so many times we want to be successful, yet struggle.

Is it Satan attacking me? Is it me just being lazy? I don't know, maybe it's both.

My pastor says that successful people are just ordinary people who make commitments that other people are not willing to make. I totally agree. So much of success is making a goal and sticking to it, even when it gets hard. Even when you would rather just give up because you are tired of rejection. Even when you would rather just eat the ice cream and sit on the couch instead of going to the gym.

And so many times, I beat myself up about it. If I thought I should have done something differently in an interview or application. I shouldn't have made the mistakes I made in student teaching, I shouldn't have even gone back to school to become a teacher in the first place. I should have just gotten a job right out of college, when there were jobs. At least I would have something now.

So where am I going with this post? I'm not really sure myself, but just need to vent. Vent about how the economy is in the dumps. Vent about how life isn't fair. Vent about my current job situation.

Yet despite my desire to throw in the towel and give up, and just be comfortable in my profession for once, despite the fact that I am a college graduate (from 2 great schools might I add) and I am working in a dead end job with no benefits or paid vacation, there is something in me that won't let me give up. Something that keeps pushing me to go on. Something that brings me to keep searching and keep applying.

I know that something is God. It's God telling me to persevere. It's God telling me that somehow through this all His plan for my life is unfolding. And somehow, through the unfairness and the rejections and the fear His plan will prevail.

 I know I have been called to be a teacher, and I know it will happen one day. And I know when I look back it will all be worth it. Someday.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:9